I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
