i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
