Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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