I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
