wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize