I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
