Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
soo... how was my night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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