yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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