And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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