This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
