I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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