I'm going to jail i love you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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