I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
