I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
