She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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