Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
