Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
