guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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