My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize