I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize