honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
