remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize