I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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