Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
