it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
