You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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