Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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