I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
