Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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