You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
