goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
