fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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