I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
