i jhust puked up my retainher.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
