Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
