when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
