So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
