I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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