i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
