Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
