called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
