with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
