the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
