i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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