Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
