Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
