Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
