...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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