WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your penis caused this!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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