im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
