508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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