When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
