just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
