I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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