no, he came in my armpit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
