After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
