insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
