yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
