...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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