you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
