The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
