So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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