Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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